red velvet homeless
The proposed logo for Lizzy’s Cake Truck, which will be touring the country delivering cake to the needy. (Image: Pixabay)

People of Cape Town, particularly its homeless, were left baffled when a woman paraded around the streets offering people cake.

Lizzy Bosch, 58, a resident of Camps Bay, walked around the city streets doling out slices of red velvet cake to people she called “the great unwashed”.

“I just wanted to spread my love to all the underprivileged people of this wonderful city.”

She particularly looks for homeless people who she feels she can forgive for being lazy.

“In the past, I used to roll up my windows and lock my doors when a hobo would approach me in my car. I always told people that they should find a way to make money. I would have appreciated if they even juggled on the street.

“But now after going through M-Net’s Leon Schuster movie marathon last Easter, I realised it is not their fault that they are hobos. This system created by my Afrikaner forefathers has forced these people to become homeless. So I thought I could repay them by baking and spreading the cake.”

Not one to sit and wait on the corner for the poor to come to her, Bosch vehemently took to the streets in search of “underprivileged people of colour” to feed them her cake.

One recipient of her cake, Warren Joshua, 36, was having lunch at a café in Long Street when Bosch approached him.

“At first I thought she was some crazy hippy looking to talk about saving the environment. But then she opened her container and placed a slice of cake on my plate. She mentioned she was giving out cake to all the poor non-whites in Cape Town. That’s when I realised she was actually bat-shit crazy.”

When Joshua tried to explain to her that he was not underprivileged and that he was actually living comfortably, she overlooked him. “She shushed me and insisted I eat the cake in front of her as I was a starving coloured street child who needed to eat. I think I still have the runs.”

One homeless lady, Vuyo Daku, said she was confused when she was approached.

“I saw this lady with a smile like the Joker and frenzied eyes coming up to me with a container. I thought she was going to beat me over the head. So I ran down the street and she ran after me. I saw her holding out something and thought it was a weapon. At first I thought it was a rock then I thought it could be a gun. I was so terrified I thought it was the end for me.”

Bosch, who was a provincial track athlete, caught up to Daku and wrestled her to the ground to feed her.

“I didn’t know that an old lady could run so fast. She caught up to me really quick, tackled me and started shoving cake into my mouth. I couldn’t stop her so I just let it be.”

When asked about her next step, she said she is going to buy a large food truck and travel around the country to feed the needy with her cake.

“I already have a trip planned along the Garden Route where I will stop at each informal settlement and serve the starving with my brand of red velvet goodness. From there, I will move onwards to Port Elizabeth, East London and Durban.

“So to all you hobos out there, look out for Lizzy’s Cake Truck coming to you soon. Follow me on Twitter.”