Horny men
This was not the actual queue waiting outside Ranchod’s apartment but most were middle-aged men and women who wore loose-fitting jeans as illustrated above, according to a teary-eyed Patel. (Image: Andreas Ruttinger)

A Johannesburg man was left feeling emasculated after he discovered a queue of men and women waiting outside his girlfriend’s apartment on Saturday evening.

Mahesh Patel, 31, a resident of Mayfair in Johannesburg, received a randy message from his girlfriend, Sonali Ranchod, 32, that read: “I want you inside me now!”

Patel, who was enjoying a spicy mutton chop at his cousin’s braai, dropped everything in a spurt of lust and sped the 60 kilometres from Centurion to Fordsburg.

“I dropped my mutton chop and said to my cousin, ‘boet, I have to go. There’s a girl who needs my tollie urgently.’ So I got into my Volkwagen GTI and motored down the N1. I got there in 15 minutes.”

But when Patel arrived at Ranchod’s apartment, he was left limp at the sight of men — and a couple of butch women — trailing from her doorway.

“There must have been a dozen men and women standing there just waiting their turn as if they were shopping at Kwik Spar. One was the former mayor of Johannesburg and another was the leader of an all-female biker group. I could swear the old guy who told me to ‘get in line’ was the local Methodist Church pastor in plainclothes.”

Patel is devastated especially since he thought Ranchod was “the one”. He immediately broke up with her that night with a text message that read: “You’ve chewed my heart and spat it out, yet swallowed others.”

“We had only been together for two months but I felt such a deep connection to her. I was going to take her home to my parents and even propose to her on a cruise ship in the Mediterranean, for which I have booked a sea-facing room.”

Ranchod claims to have been polyamorous since the day she “became legal”. But she said she maintains a safe distance from her lovers, preventing them from becoming too intimate.

“Mahesh was an average lover but a great human being. He made me feel safe, which is what other women might want. But I am independent enough to make myself feel safe.”

Ranchod was unapologetic when it came to talking about her lifestyle and her severed ties with Patel.

“We are living in a world where women are a lot more empowered to lead the lives they want. I am living the dream. If Mahesh is not secure in accepting my way of life, he can suck my dick.”

To mend his broken heart, Patel plans on hiking through Patagonia and cycling through Vietnam. He will still be cruising along the Mediterranean but with his parrot, Hidalgo.

Advertisements