Not one to wind down after eight years as a bungling president of South Africa, Jacob Zuma has emerged from his Nkandla home with his very own men’s rugby team under his arm.
Zuma has established the G-string Warriors, a rugby team that has replaced shorts with a thong.
Zuma got the idea while moping in the darkest corner of his study, rocking back and forth like a mental patient.
“I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself since I resigned in February. I would lock myself in my study and tear up as I paged through my presidential photo album.
“But from that came a moment of genius. I was going through the pictures of the Members of Parliament boys-only pool party we had in 2010 where some of us wore only g-strings. That’s when the idea to start the G-string Warriors hit me. I sprang to my feet, took a shower — as I had not bathed in days — and got in touch with my tjommie Fikile to tell him about my brilliant idea.”
Zuma already has a full squad of 300-plus pound juggernauts who have been told before signing up that they have to wear g-strings instead of shorts.
Team captain and scrumhalf, Ryan Butch, said what most other sportspeople who join a new team say, that it was his dream to play for the G-string Warriors since he was a child.
“The G-string Warriors did not exist when I was a boy, but when I was growing up I only played rugby in my underwear in my parents’ backyard. The other boys didn’t like it but I didn’t care. I enjoyed the freedom and cooling effect.”
Butch said the team is joining a semi-professional league in the Natal Midlands so that they could play their home games at the stadium in Nkandla, which is currently being constructed with the change Zuma had after building his homestead.
“We look forward to playing in Nkandla Park with its 80 000 seater stadium. A supporters’ club has already been established and my grandmother was the first to join,” said a proud Butch.
Zuma said the team may be minnows but they have plans to progress to Super Rugby in the near future, especially since he has the money to pour into the team.
He added that the g-strings-only concept would challenge world rugby and is confident that every club and national team will adopt the idea very soon.